Just Wanted to Say "Hi"

At the end of a party this weekend, a girl came up to me and asked me to tell my roommate “hi.”

“Tell so-and-so I said hi!”

“Okay!”

I hate this.

Because now one of three things will happen.

1) For some strange reason, you don’t see the person you’re supposed to say “hi” to. Generally this means a massive oversight on someone’s part, because there were either serious misjudgments concerning your relationship with said person or you just promised to “say hi” to someone you don’t normally see on a regular basis. The former begs why does the greeter think you are a good emissary, and the latter questions if you’re an idiot.

2) You forget to say “hi.” Nine times out of ten, this leads to absolutely nothing happening. On the rare occasions that the greeter you are surrogate for is in the habit of following up (in which case, they clearly have the wherewithal to relay their own messages, you know?), the next time he or she meets with the greeting recipient, they will question them if the either received the message or (worse), why they never got back in touch with a “hi” of their own. No matter what, in this instance, you look like a moron and a jerk, inconsiderate and forgetful. And then you have all this drama in your life because someone felt in this electronic age, a human intermediary is the best possible conduit to relay information with.

3) You deliver the message. Now what? Your part of the transaction is over. The fact that you often divulge this information at the end of the conversation in a “oh-by-the-way” manner (“Oh, by the way, Jane says to say ‘hi’”) implies you are now done with the talking portion of said interaction. Too often though, the person then wants to engage some more. The problem with this is that they don’t actually want to engage with you. Rather, they want to talk with the person you are delivering the message for. Of course, that person isn’t there (hence you saying “hi” for them) and you find yourself once again filling a surrogate role. Only this time, you have no actions to take, meaning you are essentially a wall the other person is talking to. In the worse cases, you get this exchange:

“Oh, by the way, Jane says to say ‘hi.’”
“Hi, Jane!”

And now those words are out, but no simply sent to the ether, but for someone who has no chance of actually hearing it.

It makes you wonder why you hang out with these types of people in the first place.
The last irksome issue in this whole little passion play is the fact that chances are you were at some social event when you were asked to deliver this “hi” (such as I was). A better word – rather than “asked” – might be “accosted.” Here you are, having a good time, and all of a sudden you are being given a homework assignment. Not exactly the party ‘favor’ you were expecting to walk a way with – this is literally a party-induced favor.

It’s bad enough trying to remember everyone’s name that you are introduced to (even if you’re at a real barn-burner that provides name-tags: nothing creeps out girls more than a drunk guy leering at their breasts on a fact-finding mission), and now you have to take the party into the real world. Which is exactly why you were at the party in the first place: to escape the real world. That’s probably the reason why it creates such an unfavorable reaction – it’s now party info outside its proper context.

Like a broken change machine, it just makes no sense.

---

Couple of music notes I wanted to bring up:

A, G-flat, and B-sharp.

Ouch.

Really, though (I apologize for the video quality if it’s not-so-good):

1) Do you realize how sad it is that someone can point to a crappy band and say “Well, they’re no O-Town” and not be completely ironic.

2) Is there a better song about abstinence than Jermaine Stewart’s “We Don’t Have to (Take Our Clothes Off)?” Here’s a sample lyric:

“Not a word
From your lips
You just took for granted that I want to skinny dip
A quick hit
That’s your game
Girl I’m not a piece of meat
Stimulate my brain”

Remember, this is a guy singing this song (NOTE: Guys like sex. It says so in the movies). Even more important, it’s abstinence music you can dance to.



I want to make it clear that I absolutely love this song. As I said, it’s got a great beat. Probably bringing it down is the whole AIDS subtext, but that seems to be the case of a lot of things: Rent, anyone?

3) Speaking of oddly danceable music, Kirk Franklin – the man who brought the Nineties classic “Stomp” – put together “Looking For You” last summer, and if you heard the beat, you would think: this is the jam! (that is if you still call songs “jams.” Do you remember calling beach shorts “jams?”). But then the lyrics come in and you realize there’s an awful lot of “Jesus” being bandied about. Which is weird, because a lot of Christians don’t condone dancing (think Footloose), especially the ass-shaking dancing that the lively hip-hop inspired rhythm seems to call for. And this isn’t small sects of Christianity, either. Southern Baptists, possibly the largest faith other than Catholicism (ah, the teachings of Cathol – thank you Eddie Izzard), doesn’t like dancing amongst non-married persons, because it can create too much lust and temptation.

Damn right it can. But I think if God was so concerned about us dancing, he might have given us some commandments to guide us. Oh right, he did. Maybe it was on the tablet Moses dropped (see History of the World: Part I -- Note that there never was, nor was there ever intended, a “Part II.”).



Just look at how much fun that little leprechaun man is having. Just as God intended.

4) Lastly, I mentioned Jeff Buckley’s album Grace a few posts back, and mentioned the song “Last Goodbye” being perhaps one of the greatest break-up songs ever. Well, here’s another to add to the list.

Ryan Adams (not to be confused with my sixth-grade dance “Everything I Do, I Do it for You” Bryan Adams) wrote a phenomenal song called “Come Pick Me Up.” It’s just so chock-full of heart-break, a great tune, bitterness and longing. Maybe it’s not exactly a break-up song, but it certainly can play that way (think of the way “Friends” used U2’s “With or Without You” when Ross and Rachel broke up – and pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about right now). Adams writes pure emotion in this song, and it’s simply lovely.

Of course, it might be unfair, because Adams is essentially a country artist. But since he doesn’t mention (cliché/stereotype alert) a dog, a pickup, or a shotgun, it just comes across as a great song. And it has harmonica! Enjoy:



If you go back to the Kirk Franklin video, you’ll see the fat lady singing.

So, until next time . . .