If I Love it So Much, Why Don't I Marry It?

I love "South Park". Love it. It is the most consistently topical weekly show on air, and has been ever since the Elian Gonzalez case. In case you forgot about that over-blown custody hearing, Elian was a Cuban boy who was basically being “defected” by his family in America. Apparently, though, no one asked the boy’s father if that was “cool” (“frio”). ‘Twasn’t. Well, for some reason, we decided that the reputation of the American brand was worth more than the fact that a extremely impoverished (um, thanks to us), politically impotent island south of us wanted to get in our face. We should have told the father to come pick him up, and then let both of them stay, at the Plaza, smoking Dominican cigars.

Wearing ironic Ché Guevera t-shirts. Ah, capitalists banking on “Marxists.” The system works (and by the way, if you don't get the irony, and are wearing a Che t-shirt, I hope someone thows a box of hornets at you).

Anyway, if you remember, on Easter Sunday (2000), Janet Reno, taking time off from her dance party:



sent in INS commandos to storm Elian’s family’s house, where they found him in a closet.

South Park had an episode about this that Wednesday.

That meant they wrote, animated, voiced, and edited it in 3 days.

Genius.

What is so interesting about their topicality, though, is that for all the liberties they take, they are essentially politically conservative. How can that be? you may ask yourself. You may then ask: Why am I asking myself questions that, if I need the answer, couldn’t possibly answer myself? Let’s stick with the former question.

Look at their track record:

In the Boy Scout episode, Big Gay Al is removed from his post as Scout Leader because the Boy Scouts (which they weren’t called on the show, of course) don’t allow homosexuals to volunteer as adults. They (the real Boy Scouts) find it immoral, and as a private organization, feel that homosexuality is a poor role-model for young men. There is also the more ridiculous idea that homosexuals are inherently pedophiles, but more on that later. In the episode (which also features an homage to the great "Rowdy" Roddy Piper/Keith David They Live fight+), Big Gay Al is pressured into suing, and upon hearing his case, the Supreme Court rules that this is in fact discrimination. Al, though, refuses the ruling, saying that he hopes that one day the Boy Scouts see the error of their ways, but that the people who run the organization are clearly doing what they think is best for boys, and that the organization itself is ultimately a positive force in forging young men. So, with the liberal outcome so clearly in his grasp, Trey Parker and Matt Stone flip the script, making Al voice a more moderate, less reactionary one. In other words, conservative. (To get back to the pedophilia thing: in the episode, the “man’s-man” who takes over the boys’ troop ends up being the pedophile, showing how pedophilia and homosexuality are clearly not mutually exclusive (if mutual at all)).

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Other episodes clearly follow this path. In the anti-smoking episode, Rob Reiner is made out to be, again, a reactionary who is willing to kill a child if it will get people to stop smoking. The tour through the cigarette factory demonstrates clearly that people are free to do whatever they want with their bodies, and anyone who doesn’t yet know that smoking is bad for them is either a moron or a douche-bag. Either way, you live your life, and let me live mine. The fact that Reiner, bemoaning how unhealthy cigarettes are, is shown to be an obese, obsessive over-eater, only helps to drive the point home.

In the Al Gore episode, they rip into his global warming theory by using the metaphor of a “Man-bear-pig.” Although I think they were off about this one, the idea of their conservativism was crystal clear: Look out for people who wail from the roof-tops.

In other words, it’s one thing to have beliefs. In fact, it’s important that you do have beliefs. At the end of each episode, Stan or Kyle will say “You know, I learned something today. . .” Clearly a cliché, and one that they even joke about from time to time, but there is always a lesson to be learned, and generally that lesson is: Don’t worry so much about what other people are saying. Yes, listen to them. But don’t adhere to their words like Scripture. Because, usually, the people are in no position to make the claims they are making. Al Gore is very intelligent, but no matter what he thinks, he’s not a scientist. Rob Reiner is not a doctor. Rosie O’Donnell is not a politician. If anything, the show is a voice of reason against the cult of celebrity we cling to in America. They aren’t afraid to take down the Right, as George Bush was made the butt of an entire season worth of shows (albeit not "South Park"). A few weeks ago, they made sure to rip into the evangelical minister from Colorado who claimed that, after three weeks of intense spiritual training, was “cured of homosexuality.”

And that’s where the distinction lies. They are conservative, not the Religious Right. While Matt Stone is a Republican, Trey Parker is a Libertarian, but neither acts pedantic about their politics. In one interview, Stone summed it up so perfectly: "I hate conservatives, but I really fucking hate liberals." With that sentiemnt, they tend to let their work take aim at those talking-heads and egos who feel that because there are cameras in their faces that their opinions suddenly matter. I don’t think Stone or Parker ever overtly say: this is right, this is wrong. Instead, they simply make sure people realize how ludicrous situations become, and how we too often take for granted what other people say, instead of coming to our own conclusions. “I learned something today” is the boys’ line, but it a call for us to make sure that at the end of a debate, we learned something (I'm kind of proud of that last line).

What kind of brought this up is this idea of South Park as being conservative. There is actually a term (or terms) being bandied about regarding this phenomenon: "South Park Conservative" (or Republican, as the case may be). In either form, the concept is that there are young people who clearly have conservative ideals (smaller government, less government interference, free trade, the “unlogic” of political correctness*), but aren’t necessarily morally conservative. The think that conservatives can have a good time, and yet still adhere to the idea of government that is the political implication of conservative. It’s funny that Stone and Parker both dismiss the term (and I’m guessing they do so in colorful language), but the idea is still there. Call it South Park Conservativism, call it Libertarianism, call it whatever.

Just don’t call it late for dinner.

(Couldn’t resist).

*Watch the episode about the South Park flag for a good idea what I'm talking about.