I'd Make a "This was my SAT score" Joke, But I Don't Think That Makes Sense Anymore

In bowling, they’d call it a perfect game. If you hit it for your career, you’d be a Hall of Famer.

It’s 300. It was dope.

Dope-a-holic rex.

I liked it a lot.

First off, let’s give Frank Miller props. He made sure that Batman wasn’t a nipple-wearing jag-off, he made it so that people under the age of 25 know who Mickey Rourke is (which is questionable in its goodness, I know, but still. . .Diner. The popcorn. Mickey
Rourke), and he did it again with this movie about Sparta.

You know, of “This is Sparta!” fame.

Gerard Butler, who (which surprises the hell out of me), sucked crap as the Phantom in The Phantom of the Opera (the movie on the whole was pretty bad, save Emmy Rossum (hooray, cute girls!)), was really good as King Leonidas. What little dialogue there was in the movie, he delivered well, and I’m amazed he could talk after production, because everything was in that growly, shouty voice. Very impressive beard, too.

In a role much better than what he was given in Lord of the Rings, David Wenham did a great job as Dilios. Not that he was bad as Faromir, just that the role itself wasn’t that good, because Peter Jackson kind of made Faromir a dick/pussy. He wasn’t the Faromir of the books. In this movie, though, Wenham has a chance to make a character that does a job that doesn’t disappoint. He should be in more stuff.

The acting, though, wasn’t really what was important (although, of course, acting is always important). The key thing in this movie was the visuals. Like Sin City, the movie truly played up its graphic novel legacy, and the colors were surreal and yet believable. The armies, the action, the costumes – it is all staged to show fantasy. For example, the Spartans have the most impressive collection of six-packs since Delta Tau Chi threw their toga party. Seriously, those guys are ripped. I don’t want to get into another homoerotic thing so soon after my last post, but, I mean, Greece. . .

That aside (or that in the forefront!), the movie is awesome. The story is pretty basic David versus Goliath meets Braveheart fare (and it’s important to realize that Braveheart, with perhaps Glory, is the predecessor of this heroic, battle genre of movie: The Patriot (Braveheart Goes West), Gladiator, Troy, King Arthur, etc. -- perhaps, unsurprisingly, all movies I do not think are that good), but it’s not supposed to be anything overwhelming in that regard. It’s supposed to be about cool slow-mo action sequences, a little bit of breasticles (I’m sure that’s a word), and a tall-ass, half-naked dude with a ton of piercings and an impossible deep voice.

I know it might sound like I’m making fun of this movie, but I’m really just knit-picking (the one exception being some of the home-front political machinations – but even those aid the story). I loved this flick, and I can’t see why anyone wouldn’t. It’s violent, but not super gory, it’s sexy without being pornographic, and it’s fantastic without being absurd. It’s just a simple story with amazing graphics and competent acting.

I only wish I had seen it in IMAX.