Mmmmm . . . Opiate

I know it's a little late, but the television season has come to a close, and my TiVo can finally cool down.

Before I go all deep into the TiVo phenomenon (which, by the way, you should know a little about because, c'mon, it's 2007), allow me to say goodbye to some dear friends.

As you all know (big assumption on my part), this was the last season of "Gilmore Girls."

--But wait, David: Aren't you a guy?

--Of course I'm a guy. . .a guy who liked "Gilmore Girls."

A brief guide to the show: A young, single mother is raising a daughter, but more as a best friend than as a child. The two are incredibly close. The mother is a "free-spirit" type who comes from rich, WASPy parents (with whom they have dinner every Friday night). There are other characters, too.

Most of the plot has to do with the romances of the Lorelai (the mother, played by Lauren Graham) and Rori (which is somehow short for "Lorelai"; played by Alexis Bledel). It also deals a lot with the ability to talk really fast, really stream-of-conscious, and basically be incredibly annoying if it wasn't for the fact that they are attractive. And that's not just me talking -- I can't see how anyone could deal with these flaky girls for more than ten minutes at a time without wanting to stab something with a retractable clicky-pen (the clickiness makes the pain exponentially greater -- see chart below***). Luckily, there are commercials every ten minutes or so (on top of the television-standard 30 second scene clips), so it's a little easier to bear.

***There's no chart below. But believe me, the science is verifiable, in a Intelligent Design kind of way.

But maybe that's why I liked it -- the writing (and therefore the dialogue) was unique, which made the show, despite it's rather cliched plots, interesting to watch. There was plenty of what makes television dramas good: humour, romance, tears, fights, and beautiful people (it was a little light on the action -- no slaying vampires for these girls).

It was also one of the veterans of a the relatively fledgling WB Network, and one of the big reasons that network was able to make it beyond UPN-type ignominy (much to the chagrin of such programs as "Muscle," "Unhappily Ever After," "The Parent 'Hood" and "The Wayans Bros." -- How the hell didn't "Muscle" make it?).

Alas, it is not the only WB show to end this year (and, I know, it's the CW now, but screw that -- except for "Everyone Hates Chris," "America's Top Model," and wrestling, the UPN contributed nothing to the merger -- I don't want to hear about "Girlfriends" (an African-American show produced by Kelsey Grammer), which my roommate insists is good, and I insist she's crazy). We also bid a fond farewell to "7th Heaven."

By fond farewell, I mean: "Um, I can't believe you were on so long, because why would anyone want to watch a show that is completely about moral drama?"

The answer -- most of America.

I didn't really watch the show, although like any dedicated television viewer, a checked it out a couple of times. It was harmlessly charming (anytime a dog is listed in the opening credits, I say "watch out" -- Look where he's listed on the IMDB list). When you look at the history of television, it's pretty amazing, but this show will go down as one of the most successful in history. Any show that goes on for 11 seasons (11 seasons!) is quite an accomplishment. Especially when you consider that Jessica Biel left because she was "too sexy" (which is true -- she's too sexy, but amazing for a television program to care about something like that, especially one on the network that has brought you the teenage-sex dramas "One Tree Hill," "Dawson's Creek," and so on).

If you ever wonder why Bush kept getting elected, look no further then the popularity of this show. This is what middle-America looks like and/or strives to be. Hence, 11 seasons.

Mackenzie Rosman growing up to be pretty hot didn't hurt the ratings either, I suspect. Which is weird, of course, because we watched her grow up for eleven years. But then again, we all knew guys who counted down the days until the Olsen twins achieved legal status, and that was in the desire to have an incestuous threesome. This is downright wholesome in comparison. It has to be; it's "7th Heaven."

If you ever do catch a re-run, note the theme song's egregious use of the title of the show in the lyrics. There's a reason you're writing theme songs, buddy. But even the song is perfectly aligned with the shows content: It's soft-rock, poppy-adult-contemporary style is so perfectly Lite FM to be both appealing to the masses and yet nauseating to the ears. If you've never seen an ear throw-up, you're in for a real treat.

Tying back in with "Gilmore Girls," one of the great dialogue-writers in the past two decades of television has been Aaron Sorkin. I believe I've mentioned his latest show "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip." Well, I thought it had been cancelled. In fact, it seemed to be, but apparently they had some episodes knocking around, and decided the summer would be a nice time to air them. It's still a really good show, but I almost feel like I caught the carrot, lost it, caught it again, and then learned it was rotten.

I hate carrots. Might be why my glasses are so thick.

Like the bright orange promise of sweetness, these summer episodes are just teases. It's over folks. And another good show is cut down by the man. You have to love the irony of a show about the behind-the-scenes moves of a show always at odds with the network being cut by the real network. Maybe that's not irony, though. I'll check into it for you.

A final show that has ended, as you all know, is "The Sopranos." I didn't watch it. I stopped watching after the third season, when I realized that the show really wasn't compelling anymore. Part of my problem was that the first season was so good, so fresh, that after that, everything felt dissapointing. I think the same thing happened with "Oz." Overall, I see it as a problem with HBO shows in general, because they are so unique in the beginning that the innovation wears off when the writers and viewers realize there's no where else to go.

But now that the summer is upon us, we have the re-emergence of great shows for new seasons: "The Closer," "Eureka," and "Psych." I've mentioned before, but "Psyche" is probably the funniest show on television, "Eureka" is one of those hidden cable-gems (Sci-Fi channel), and "The Closer" is apparently the most popular cable show in history (at least, according to the TNT promos). They are all worth checking out. Unfortunately, another great TNT show, "Saved," did not make the cut from last summer. More's the pity.

So set your DVR to record these shows, enjoy your summer, and when it's raining, watch these shows. It will make you happy, even though the sky is gray.

And yes, that's from a song.